I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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