you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
