hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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