I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
