I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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