Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
