Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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