my being single is dangerous.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
