I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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