It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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