my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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