i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you win again, gameday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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