The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
