He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I believe in your delicious
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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