i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We're too hungover to prance.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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