I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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