Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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