Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
