i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
