you turned your livingroom into a bong?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
