my phone needs a breathalizer
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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