I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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