My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
