I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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