Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
