How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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