Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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