Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
