The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
