Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
