saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
