my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
