For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
