I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
