Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
