I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
