I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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