If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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