Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
