i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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