Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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