May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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