I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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