I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
