You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
