You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
