i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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