I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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