I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
