The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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