Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
