you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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